Category: Health Hope Healing

How Will I Show Up?

WarriorLara

highest self

How will I show up?

This is the question I am pondering this week as I navigate my way through anxiety around the massive unknowns right now, flashbacks to 5 years ago which also was a very dark time, a hopeful belief that somehow all will be well and a deep desire to not lose who I am and who I most want to be in this time, this moment. The whole world has stepped into Cuckoo Luckoo Land, the place I’ve written of where things are not only inside out, they are upside down, outside in, twisted up and ever spinning. Eerily, I know how to walk in this place. Heck, I can even walk in this place as if I own it when I remember who I am.

I am a survivor. I am a traveler of the dark places of the soul. I am a writer who can find words in these dark places. I am a light for others who walk these dark places alongside me. I am a grounding rod for the swirl that threatens to spin us out of control. I am a mystic who can move beyond the veils of what is to see the possibilities of what could be. I am a woman who finds joy in the simplest of things. I am a believer that we are all far more powerful than we will ever know. I am a hope dealer who believes in the immense power of health and healing. I am a Warrior who does not allow the darkest places of Cuckoo Luckoo Land to ever completely forget how powerful and beautiful we all are.

So, how will I show up in this communal time of walking in Cuckoo Luckoo Land? I will show up as a Warrior for light, hope, and belief that we WILL survive this. I will show up believing we are all doing the best we can with a whole ton of uncertainty. I will show up sharing whatever glimmers of hope, health and healing I can. I will show up honoring everyone who is digging deep to be light bringers, healers and hope dealers. I will show up staying true to who I AM! ☀️

World, we have got this! 💖💪💖

Vanity or Health? Which will I choose?

WarriorLara

choosinghealth

“Vanity or Health?” Which will I choose? You’ve got to read to the end to find out. 😂

It’s about radical self-love. 💖

Okay, deep breath 🌬️ and in I go, into being crazy vulnerable and really real about something that’s been holding me back. I’m ready to dive deeper into what my healthiest self could look like; a self whose body feels so free and amazing I can barely imagine it right now. But, I have to choose – my vanity or my healthiest self.

You see, it’s my vanity about my face that has been winning for a long time. I spent 12 years working a horse farm. No amount of sun screen was ever enough to completely protect my skin. I knew one day I’d have tons of face wrinkles because of it. I just didn’t think it would be so soon. Since I’ve lost 53 pounds I can really notice it. And wowza, has it stopped me in my tracks. No way have I wanted to lose more weight and look like a prune. Even if losing more weight could be really good for the rest of my body.

Some of the thoughts that have pinged through my brain during this internal debate have really revealed how much further I can go to radically love myself exactly as I am.

“If I want to date again who would want a wrinkle faced woman?”

“Do I really need to lose more weight, even if I know it could be great for my aging body?”

“Will I get ugly?”

“Should I put more weight back on to plump out my face again?” (Answer is always, NO WAY!)

“Am I seriously this obsessed with physical appearance?”

“Am I in any way attractive anymore?”

“I miss my 25 year old self.”

 

WOWZA! I am a HUGE proponent for everyone to love themselves exactly as they are. I am a HUGE proponent for making choices that help us create our best selves. I am a HUGE proponent for recognizing our SELF is about soooo much more than our bodies.

I am also, quite clearly, a woman who is trying to believe in herself more, recognize her worth, find her beauty again, and radically love every part – the dark, the light, the wrinkled, the strong, the weak – ALL OF ME!

So, I am choosing my health! I am learning to love my wrinkles for the stories they tell. I am going all into turn my body into its strongest, healthiest, most Badass self. I am choosing to believe I am beautiful. I am wrapping myself in the love, hope and healing I strive to bring to everyone else.

That means my goal, now spoken publicly, is to lose the final 15lbs I’ve been considering losing by my birthday on July 30. Get ready to watch my journey as I go for my finish line! 💪💪💪💪

Who am I?

WarriorLara

roulette

Who am I?

Maybe it’s just me, but I am constantly asking myself this question.  Constantly.  As I get older, I realize more and more how reflective of a person I really am.   Hmmm, maybe why I need days of pure quiet sometimes is less about other people and more about simply telling myself that I need to shush for awhile. Hmmm…

The last few years, the answer to this question has felt like a giant roulette game.   Just when I think the ball will drop into place, the wheel keeps spinning just enough to say “nope, not this one”.    Then, just as the ball settles into place and I start to feel like I’m settling into a new understanding, life spins the wheel again and the ball spins, spins, and spins.   At those times, it can feel like I may never be able to adequately answer the question “Who am I?”.

As disconcerting as this can be at times, there’s a wild excitement too.   I can feel a certain, pingy energy that permeates the world around me as I explore new understanding of myself.  The possibilities really are endless about how I can and will answer this on any given day.  My answers vary based on my confidence level in that identity, my current focus of reflection, and the spins of the wheel I am currently taking part in.

The spins of the wheel that can come out of nowhere aren’t always fun, but I’m getting better at just breathing while I wait for a new answer, a new understanding of who I am to settle in.  I can’t really do anything while the wheel spins anyway, so I might as well just breathe and watch it spin.

So, how do I answer this right now? These are the ones I am probably most able to say “Yes, that is who I am.” right now.

I am a mother.   My kids are ever present in my mind and my heart. Always!

I am a warrior.  Everyday, I am striving for more discipline to work hard and create my best life.  I am far stronger than I believe and I am practicing telling myself this.

I am coach – a coach for growth, for health, for learning, for transformation.   There’s little I love to do more than help guide people to find ways to grow in believing in themselves.  I’ve always leaned towards this identity and now I’m stepping more deeply into it.

I am a hope dealer and a dream weaver.   I am ever hopeful that we can make our dreams a reality, as long as we are willing to do the daily work needed to make it so.   I almost always can see hope, even in the midst of the darkest of days.

I am a community creator.   Together, we are so much stronger and there is great power to heal when we come together.

I am a writer who is deeply in love with the musing part of herself.

I am a widow.   This is still twingy to write but it is oh so true.

I am a phoenix widow.  A newer identity I am playing with as I experience myself rising from the ashes of my grief.

I am seeker.   I am constantly exploring more understanding of myself, my purpose in life and my experience of the world.

I am a person radically committed to her own transformation.   I am bound and determined to become the absolute best, happiest, healthiest person I can be.  That means I will do things every single day to understand myself more, to create new habits and to make the very best choices I can in each given moment.

I am a believer in magic.   This means play, glitter, bubble, a belief that dragons might really be real, and massive imagination.

I am a joy seeker.   I truly love to look for joy, even if it is just in little bitty pieces within the dark.

I have every confidence that I could continue to write more in answer to the question “Who am I?”.  It’s such a fun thing to explore.   But, for today, these are good to breathe life into and through.

How would you answer this question for yourself?

 

When you lose your mojo…

WarriorLara

beachme

 

Stream of consciousness writing is one of the things I usually reserve for my journal only.  As inspired as I usually feel when I write one of my musings, they tend to write themselves almost completely in my head before I put them into my blog.  Not this morning.   My mind has been such a muddle the past week or so and I have no clear idea of what sent me spiraling down into the land of muckity muck but there I am.   Stuck, not really caring that I’m stuck, and yet feeling ickity enough that I want out.

I’ve created some amazing things in my life.   I consider myself a successful, inspired, dedicated to going after my dreams kind of person.     I think I am resilient, creative, resourceful and can be hard working.   I can usually motivate myself to go after what I want but also love the support of a community.   The last few years especially I have done some awesome things, especially in light of the dark thread that has woven through our lives.

You know what though, I am tired.  I don’t mean physically tired really as I am finally getting enough sleep most nights.  I mean emotionally, mentally, energetically tired.  I mean to the bone tired. Actually deeper than that even.    I am weary of being strong, of going after bigger dreams, of working, of staying connected, of trying to figure it all out, of trying to be the absolute best I can be, of doing anything more than just being in each moment.  I am afraid I have not only set aside my mojo, but that I have somehow completely lost it.   I am tired.

This exhaustion is leaving me with such a pervasive “whatever” mentality that I actually feel like I am going backwards in creating the life I want for myself and my family.   Oh, I am still going through the bare minimum things I need to do to stay afloat but striving to really create a life of massive financial and time abundance – pfffttt!   That doesn’t seem to be happening right now. I’m too tired.

I don’t even want to think about or do the things that I know may pull me up and out of this funky place.   Because when I am just resting in the place of being tired and not sure if I want to be a massive go-getter anymore, I feel less tired.   There is a peace in that space.  And then, I wonder if maybe I don’t REALLY want to be a massive go-getter.   Maybe, I just want to find a job that has insurance and a 401k, so I don’t have to constantly worry about these things.   Maybe I just want to go do my hours and then be done for the day.   Maybe I don’t want to do the constant work needed to create new businesses, even though I love coaching and retreat facilitating.  Maybe I am too tired to be constantly dreaming, doing and creating.   Maybe I am too tired because I’m done being in charge of everything in my life and I just want to be a minion for awhile.

There are lots of maybes and lots of things to explore within this muckity muck place. While I am here I will do what I can. While I am here I will write all the muckity muck in my journal. While I am here I will be gentle with myself and trust that I won’t be here forever. While I am here I will try to just be curious about all that is rising up in me. While I am here I will do at least 1 thing each day that gets me moving just a little.   While I am here I will be grateful that I have my writing which provides some magical relief for me.   While I am here I will just be tired and focus on one thing at a time, without expectation that I do a million things each day.  While I am here I will love myself and know that I am doing the best that I can even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

A Little Secret

WarriorLara

dreamhome

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret, a secret that keeps me stuck in more ways than I can decipher even for myself somedays. I experience massive anxiety most days. I’ve always leaned towards being an introvert, but the anxiety I’ve experienced in varying ways since Russell died leaves me wishing desperately somedays I could be a hermit, on a beach, talking to no one for days on end.

When I’m with people I love being with them, especially if it’s my kids. When I talk to people on the phone I love the conversations. But, I’m not going to lie, I could seriously be alone in my house for a VERY long time before feeling any desire to talk to anyone. And it can take A LOT of psyching myself up for even one interaction.

I don’t feel the anxiety until I know I’m about to leave the house or make the phone call. And the anxiety eases fairly quickly once I’m actually engaged in conversation with someone. When I’m experiencing it, it’s like trying to walk through quicksand with wader boots filled with concrete. Some periods of time are worse than others but it can shift randomly. But always it’s there waiting to invite me deeper into silent aloneness.

Most of the quotes and memes I share each day are what I NEED to read just to keep myself moving. I WILL create my best life and my biggest obstacle is myself.

I’ve got this and so do you!

I can help!

WarriorLara

mytransformation

I CAN HELP! I CAN HELP! I CAN HELP!

I PROMISE!

You’ve watched my journey. Some of you for a few months and some for years. You know I strive to be as authentic and honest as I can. You also probably know I don’t make promises mildly.

But I will promise you this – if you are desiring to make a change in your life, in your body, mind, spirit or finances I can help. The program I have found is AMAZING and completely transforming my life. And I know it can do the same for others who are ready for more.

If you want more energy – I can help.
If you want better sleep – I can help.
If you want to eat in a more balanced way-I can help
If you want more body freedom – I can help.
If you want a healthier mindset – I can help
If you want to lose weight – I can help.
If you want to create more purpose in your life – I
can help.
If you want to help others – I can help.
If you want some extra cash – I can help.

I promise I WILL help you create a healthier life whenever you are ready. I WILL be here ready to explore what is possible for you. And, I WILL journey with you the entire way.

You can do it! And I will help every step of the way!

Are you ready?

WarriorLara

lifepriorities

Where do YOU want to be in the next 6 months, the next year, the next 5 years? What are you willing to do and invest in in order to become that person? What are you willing to say is worth it to do for YOU?!

I’ve got a growing fascination with the belief I have inside myself that if it’s for my kids paying for their growth is not only worth it, it’s necessary. Classes for them, health care for them, supporting their passions – all of these I’ve barely blinked at figuring out how to make happen.

But for me, my first response is often I don’t have the time or money for that. Maybe another time. Why am I not worth investing my time and money in me? The money I am earning? The growth I need to create my best life which will also benefit my kids? What message am I giving my kids about adult self-care if I say no to the things I really want to do and that will help me become my best self? 🤔🤔

These are the things I wonder about as I strive to constantly be growing. I’m learning to place higher value on my health, growth and development needs than I have given myself permission to do in the past. I pay for a counselor for my kids AND myself. I buy healthy foods for myself AND my kids. I invest money in my growth AND for my kids. I am worth spending money and time on things that will make me grow.

What could your life look like if you said yes to you more often? You would do it for your kids so why not for yourself? You’re worth doing it for yourself. You cannot become all you want to be until you believe you are worth your own time and money.

Sift through the jumble

WarriorLara

allie.jpg

Because I no longer use food or Netflix to cover up my emotions, I am becoming ever more adept in sorting through the jumble my emotions can create.

Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, we have to step away from things we’ve become too twined around that we can no longer give our best selves to. We can get so twisted up inside ourselves energetically, mentally and physically that we can step dangerously close to becoming a toxin for the very thing we have so lovingly created. We can become the very thing we’ve worked so hard to keep out of our happy places.

Then, if we are really lucky, we can find ways to sift through all of the jumbled mess and begin to pull out the threads that no longer fit into who we are and who we are becoming. What an absolutely magical thing this can be as it leaves more possibility for joy and dream weaving.

My journey through letting go of being Avalon’s caretaker is just such a journey. My exhaustion wasn’t from the work of the farm. It wasn’t from the creatures. It wasn’t from the community. It was all from ME and my own unwillingness to say, for too long, I needed something different for me. My exhaustion was from battling myself and trying to ignore the rising new dreams. That exhaustion came dangerously close to pissing all over the magical things created in Avalon’s first 12 years.

Tonight, I stepped back into teaching kids with horses, which has always been one of my great joys. I stepped back in with my favorite young Avalonian, Allie, and Miss Penny, who seems to adore children. They were amazing together! As I watched these two really work at listening to one another I realized I can just BE happy at Avalon with horses again. And I can share that joy out of love and aliveness, not out of necessity.

I’m so unbelievably grateful for the things unfolding in my life right now, all because I said YES to losing some weight to get healthier. Little did I know 2 years ago how much I would gain in this complete health transformation for ALL areas of my life.

So, in addition to Transformational Coaching, I will be available to teach kids and women simply seeking connections to horses a few hours a week. Homeschoolers are especially welcome as I have lots more day free time.
Be brave and untwine the icky parts of your life that you are creating. When you do, you might just find the magic and gold buried underneath. 💖💖💖

Beach Joy

WarriorLara

beachtransformation

“We’re not unhealthy because we eat too much. We’re unhealthy because of WHY we eat too much.”
4 years difference in these beach pictures. 4 years of living through so much self exploration – both the darker and the lighter parts of myself. 4 years of learning I am worth the BEST choices I can make for my health and my life. 4 years of moving through grief and learning not to eat my feelings. 4 years of moving from struggling to find pockets of joy to living joy easily.

The 53lbs I’ve lost and kept off in the last year has been AMAZING. What I have gained – energy, body movement, better sleep, clearer mind – are even better. The BEST is the new found purpose for my life as I help others find freedom for their body, minds, spirits and finances.
The joy you see in my 2019 photo isn’t just for the photo. It’s for my whole, reclaimed self who is saying 100%. YES to her healthier self!

Can it? Will it?

WarriorLara

 

canwill.jpg

Can it work for me? Will it work for me?

These are the two questions I hear the most when I explore people’s dreams for their health with them. Heck, they were the questions I asked myself before I started on my amazing transformation path. They came from a place of fear and have now become the fuel of hope and belief I have for myself and for everyone ready for more.

“Can it work?” – YES! It can work for just about anyone. It’s a massively successful, comprehensive program designed to help people create lifelong, healthy habits one step at a time. Lose weight, less stress, more energy, get nutritionally balanced, release the grip of emotional and stress eating, sleep better, etc. CAN all happen.

“Will it work?” – MAYBE! The choice is yours, as it was mine. I’m not going to lie to you. It will only work if you put in the work. There were MANY times that I almost quit. The choice was mine if I was finally going to say enough to my pain, my exhaustion, my misery at not feeling like myself, my ever-increasing weight gain and living a life less than what I truly desired. The choice was mine to go for it and say YES to my best, healthiest self.

If people are willing to do the work and work their plan, their plan not only can work, it WILL work. That means working it moment after moment, especially after the bumps in the road. It means keeping the reason you said YES to your health always in front of you, like a carrot leading the way. It means locking arms with me, knowing I WILL believe in you until you can believe in yourself.

It CAN work! It WILL work! You just have to say YES to taking the first step to explore what that can mean for you. I am ALL IN and ready to go.

ARE YOU READY?