Drop the Bag

weightofworldDo you ever feel like you are dragging around the weight of the world over your shoulder?   I sure do at times.

This jumped out at me as the perfect picture for what I feel was happening before my most recent Big Leap. As a person inclined to be a strong healer and caretaker for others (animals and humans alike), it’s very easy for me to take on more and more and more self-imposed responsibility until I am bending under the weight of it all. I do this to myself more than anything and am slowly, baby step by baby step, learning how to let that go. “Stop dragging the energetic bag, Lara, and let it go!”
My health transformation started with my body almost 2 years ago. While that has been life changing, it’s the underlying mental and emotional baggage I am slowly letting go that has been the most amazing part. As the weight dropped off, I began to see the ways I used food to cover up the intense emotions of grieving and being the center piece of an active horse farm business/community. That weight was like a shield and a security blanket all in one. But it was heavy with emotions and heavy with way too much responsibility for other people’s/animal’s lives.

My most recent Big Leap from running Avalon to this new life I’m creating was kind of a giant, “DROP THE BAG, LARA!” shout out to myself. It’s not that I didn’t still love Avalon – its’ creatures, its’ people, its’ land. It’s that I had taken on wayyyy too much responsibility for it all energetically and emotionally. And I knew I needed to stop dragging the bag around in order to free myself up for the rest of my own, personal hope, health and healing.

In just the few short weeks since passing off the management/ownership of Avalon I have felt myself be lighter, breathing easier, and turning less and less to ways to hide away from the heaviness I’d taken on. I have lots of things that I am still sorting and sifting through, but I am no longer dragging around a crazily heavy bag with the weight of the world inside of it.

I can hardly describe the relief I am feeling. The closest I describe it is like parasailing – being able to see this amazing horizon in every direction. There’s fear and excitement all twined into one as the harness supports my weight rather than me supporting something else. The world is opening to me in amazing new ways and I love the feeling of flying into my dreams.
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

JOY WARRIOR

joyme

JOY WARRIOR – A transformational journey of my body, mind and heart

I LOVE that time with my Karoly has become a barometer of my health and joy transformation This horse has helped me heal in the past 4 plus years since my husband, Russell, died more than any other animal in my life. With him I breathe and let go of the bazillion worries I have faster than just about anything else. He grounds me, he holds space for me and he brings me such delight. What a heart partner he has become!

2015 (1st picture – 186 lbs) Forcing Joy – On a trip to Forest park a mere 3 weeks after Russell died I was inching towards my heaviest weight – weight in my heart, my body and my mind. At that time, I was desperate to find anything that could bring even short periods of relief and joy. This day at Forest Park, celebrating with my daughter and our friends with her birthday trail ride, was one of the greatest highlights of a very emotional spring.

2018 (2nd picture – 150lbs) Seeking Joy – Ah what a glorious weekend I had with my Karoly on our first overnight trip with friends. I was introduced to mounted archery for the first time which has definitely brought me much joy. With over 30lbs off of my body and a heart in a much happier place, being with Karoly that weekend was just fun and playful. I felt like a true warrior woman as my body and mind felt strong, light and grounded.

2019 (3rd picture – 136lbs) Breathing Joy – What a glorious thing it is now to feel as if I am breathing joy every single day. No longer do I have to seek out Karoly simply to slow my breath and regain my balance. Now, feeling strong, resilient and confident even in the midst of a very chaotic part of my life, I seek him out just because. I breathe in joy and breathe joy right back out. Having a body that feels like my own again is an amazing thing.

I can hardly wait to see what fun adventures we will continue to have as I live my healthiest, most joy-filled, and amazing life.