Door of Locks

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It’s story time. I LOVE reading and have several book series I read over and over and over again as they speak to my soul and continuously entertain me. The following story (condensed a little) is from “Belladonna” by Anne Bishop. This resonates on a very profound level with me. It’s about choosing where your heart needs to go; very powerful stuff!
DOOR OF LOCKS
Now the Door of Locks was hidden in a garden that lived in the heart of a magic hill, and the hill was the country home of the spirits who resided in this part of the land…. When one reached the garden, which was protected by high walls and a barred gate, a spirit would appear and ask “What do you seek?”

…the correct answer is “I seek the hope that lives within my heart.” Give that answer, and the garden’ gate will always open….When you’re ready, the spirit takes you to the Door of Locks.

There are one hundred identical locks on the door, and while you’re standing there, trying to fathom it all, the spirit reaches into your heart and takes out a key, and says, “Every lock leads to a different place that lives within you. Some are dark places, some are light places, some are full of struggle and sorrow while others will shower your days with joy. Choose a lock. The key will fit any of them. Choose where your heart needs to go. Choose.” (LOVE THIS!)

And that is what you must do – CHOOSE. Now, some people are hasty, ignoring the spirit’s warning about the nature of the locks and thinking that since the locks all look the same they’ll be the same. And some people don’t ask for the lock they truly want because it’s high up in a corner of the door or too low to the ground and they don’t want to be inconveniencing the spirit and they figure a lock that’s easy to reach will do just as well.

But it won’t do as well. IT WON’T DO AND IF YOU SETTLE FOR WHAT IS EASY INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU TRULY WANT, YOU MAY NEVER DISCOVER THE HOPE THAT LIVES IN YOUR HEART.

So you choose wisely, and you choose well, and you pick the lock that matters the most to you AT THAT MOMENT. Then the spirit takes the key that was plucked from your heart and slips it into that lock.

It changes you. It doesn’t matter if you end up in place you didn’t know existed or in the place you’ve lived your whole life. It changes you – and you will never again see the world in quite the same way.

Finding Home

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Morning Musings (inspired by “Belladonna” by Anne Bishop)
We think shattering our worlds is difficult but it isn’t. The difficult part is keeping the pieces in harmony enough to stay together.

When we don’t resonate with a place; when it isn’t a place that speaks to our hearts and feels like home; we can become a dissonance in that place. Be it a job, a community, a lifestyle, or a geographical location, we can begin to feel resentful and bitter about the place and the people there because it isn’t ours. Our heart desires to be in a place we haven’t yet found can create a fierce clash of energy.

The trick is to find the place or places that are OURS, those places that make our hearts sing with joy and harmony. Finding the places that feel like home creates an energy within and from us that is a joy to behold. When we do that – ahhh, the glorious symphonies with our lives we can create.

Avalon is MINE with all its light and its dark note. It’s not always easy to keep the pieces in harmony with one another, especially since the community is so large. But I sure do my best to continually tweak and play with the ever changing notes to keep the song vibrant and alive.

It is a glorious, glorious thing to feel home in a place. Never, ever doubt that you are worth finding your “homes.” They are out there!

What if you fail?

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We’ve probably all heard the question “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” I’m quite sure I’ve answered this question a bazillion times in my journals and on vision boards. But now I ask a new question, a flip of the coin, to this famous one.
First read in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book ” Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear”, I now ask “What would I do even if I knew that I might very well fail?” I agree with Elizabeth that it is a fiercer question and one that is radically shaping my world right now. It plays over and over in my mind as I choose to do those things that bring me consistent joy, even in the moments of “failure” that are inevitable with following authentic, life long paths of joy seeking.
Without a doubt, it is quite evident that I choose to “do” horses even in the midst of daily “failures”. Heck running a horse farm means constantly remaining open to trying new things, having tried and true methods not work, and still doing it because of that magical love with a horse. I simply can’t imagine a life without them, nor can most of the horse folks I know, even though we are loons to put up with all we do surrounding them.

My current path of new adventures with Phoenix is a daily endeavor in becoming more humble, more trusting, more brave, and more creative as I step into worlds I’ve only been a witness to for a very long time. Tomorrow will be our first dressage show ever, for both of us. We are the very first dressage ride of the day (at 9:00am if you want to watch) and we aren’t really ready. We are both still noodly and simply trying to trust one another. We will probably walk the entire dressage test, though we are supposed to trot at least half of it, simply because in that mode we trust each other, stay in sync and look pretty balanced. As far as the test is concerned, walking the whole thing will be a fail. But, we are doing it anyway because I am loving this horse, he is at least liking me, and I want us to do things together that I have never done before. I don’t care if we fail because I will love every single moment doing it with him. We are rising into a new life together.

This horse, this sweet sweet living Phoenix, is the clearest symbol of me embracing so many new things that leave me acting from my heart. Facilitating retreats, coaching others through their own health transformations, writing, and teaching are things I LOVE to do. There will be ongoing moments that feel like failures in all of these areas but that’s okay. I’m going to do them anyway. Because I WILL live a life from my heart and not from my fear of failing.
What do you love so much you would do it even if you knew you might fail? Go do those things!

 

You Will Run

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We spend so much of our lives trying to figure out what is a good fit for us.  We research what car to buy, what trip to take, what movie to watch, what books to read, and so, so much more.  Sometimes we think about things for months and months, worried about making the wrong decision.  And sometimes we get so stuck in our thinking things through that we lose tons time because we are living our lives out of a fear filled space of “getting it wrong.”

I have been there and done that.  Heck, I am still there and doing that several times each week in so many ways.  I wonder if I am “ready” for things and spin my wheels getting trapped in the monkey mind places inside of me.  Those places that it is near impossible to move forward because I just get more and more twisted up the longer I “think things through”.

What I am gratefully starting to learn is that when we finally are ready to change our lives and make them ones we love, we will run to whatever lifeline is being thrown out to us.  In fact, for me, it has stopped being about feeling I am completely “ready” and deciding that I will seek joy, freedom and good things for myself no matter what.  I am grabbing onto those things that catch my attention, even if I don’t completely understand why.

There comes a time when we are so tired of living a life of feeling stuck and just icky, that nothing else matters but making things better.  Cost doesn’t matter. Time constraints that are real or imagined don’t matter.  Staying in a job we loathe no longer matters. Others’ opinions don’t matter. The history of our lives doesn’t matter. Researching things ad nauseum doesn’t matter.  What we’ve always done doesn’t matter.  All of the things that keep us stuck in our bodies, minds and spirits stop mattering because we finally decide something, anything, has got to change.

At this point, all that matters is running as fast and as strongly as we can towards a life that is filled with the hope of freedom, joy, and possibility.  We latch onto that hope like the life line it is to pull us from our lives of pain and sorrow.  We wrap that hope around us like a cloak of love for ourselves, knowing we deserve it; or at least willing to learn to live into that belief.   We run even with the babiest of steps towards something more.

We are all worth living lives of joy, health and hope.   I hope you RUN towards the choices best for you that will open the doors to that kind of a life.

BREATH & WINGS

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Horses are breath and wings to me. By their very presence they both ground me deep into myself while also helping me believe that I can soar.

I have named my new guy with this in mind. His name is Phoenix because he will be my wings as I continue to rise from the ashes of my life of the past few years, ready to fly into new adventures and new ways of living my life with radical joy and purpose. I wanted to name him something connected to dragons but everything was too heavy for this sweet, light filled little guy. Then Phoenix came to me ringing like a bell. Fire and light – yep that is him.

My Karoly has done so much to heal my heart over the past 3 1/2 years. Literally he has done my breathing for me at times. Especially early on after Russell died as I would stand with Karoly or sit on his bare back, Karoly would match my breath then he would slow us both down. My mantra “Just Breathe” seemed to pour out of him as he held all of my pain. He didn’t care that it was a massive, physical struggle to just clamber up onto him. (I think he appreciates that I’ve lost so much weight and am far more limber getting on.) He was just there to hold radically, love filled space for me throughout it all. It is one of his greatest gifts to all who come to know him. Just breathe he says with his very presence. Ahhhh!

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Now, with a lighter body and a lighter heart, I am ready to fly a little bit more. Because of my health transformation, I can actually imagine doing things with horses again that I haven’t been able to do in years. I am ready to really ride, not just be a passenger up there. That is an absolutely amazing thing to me. Finding Phoenix is a incredible gift I found him the night of my last retreat, Empower Your Warrior, and it was as if he jumped through the picture and said “Here I am. Are you ready?” I answered with a resounding “YES!” And I can hardly believe that we are together and starting to figure each other out.

BREATH & WINGS – this is why horses continue to hold me in their magical grip. With them I can breathe my way through all life throws me, then fly with love into my joy. WOW!

DO IT NOW

My muse is AWAKE! I started 4 musings/blog posts on the way home from our sushi dinner out. Then, while we stopped by the farm just to see my new guy she said “write this tonight.” WOW!

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DO IT NOW!
Life is too short and it can change in the blink of an eye or the mere flip of a coin. No exaggeration, that is how fast our lives can change. I KNOW! I’ve lived it and I’ve seen it happen to more people than I can say. Every single one of us is just blink or a flip away from having our lives turned upside down and inside out.

So whatever you are wanting to do; whatever you are wanting to say; whatever you are wanting to try; whatever you are wanting to change – DO IT NOW!

Say yes to you.
Take the trip.
Go to the counselor.
Heal your relationships.
Buy the horse. 🙂
Get healthy in any way you can, as soon as you can.
Read the book.
Say no to the things that leave you feeling tired and crappy.
Dress in whatever makes you feel good.
Try those new things that leave you feeling brave.
Take the nap.
Quit the job you hate.
Find the job you love.
Change your life so it brings you joy and purpose.
Love yourself.
Stop making excuses.

Do WHATEVER IT TAKES to LOVE yourself and the life you are living.
DO IT NOW!

In Love

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I’m in love!  No, no, no before anyone gets too excited, it’s not a new relationship.  They very thought of dating, honestly, still leads me to throw up a little.  Okay maybe a lot.  LOL. I’m so not there yet.

I am in love, even giddily so at times, with aspects of myself and my journey right now.  I guess it is kind of like developing a new relationship with myself and with my life.  More and more each day, I am embracing the things that excite me enough to make me want to jump out of bed each morning and leap into my day.  I am feeling deep, profound gratitude for all that is part of my life and it definitely creates feeling similar to “being in love.”  Wow, how cool is that?!

Here’s what I am most in love with right now.

First and foremost, my children. Hands down they are my favorite people to be with. I love talking with them, playing games, traveling, journeying with them as they become adults, watching them grow, and just hanging out in their presence. They’re all such awesome people and I feel super blessed to be part of their lives.

Second, the vision for my life and what I believe my foundational purpose and mission are.  My most recent falling in love with health coaching is a mere extension of my lifelong love and desire to be part of people’s dream creating and life transformations.  I feel reawakened and rejuvenated!   I bring this love and desire to my work as an instructor, a retreat facilitator, barn owner, health coach, and with my friends and family.

Little more in all of my work/play excites me as much as seeing people light up with joy and freedom because they’ve found new ways of being the person they most desire to be.  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE journeying with people seeking to make their dream a reality and live their best lives possible.  Within every aspect of my life, I have opportunites to do this. PURE JOY!

Third, Avalon in all that it is.  The very land itself is part of my heart and breath.   I had a deep flash of this a few weeks back and was almost rocked to my knees as I realized how much I am in love with Avalon.  To be called to be caretaker of this land and all that is part of it is such an honor.  The community strengthens me and holds space for me in amazing ways. The animals speak to me just as I always dreamed of as a kid.  There is pure magic that sings throughout all that is Avalon.

Fourth, I love my writing.  That my Muse continues to be awake and speaking through me gives me great joy and hope that I am inspiring others to seek joy for themselves and believe they deserve it.  I love that I can speak of my dark trips into the rabbit holes of life as well as my light trips soaring on my dragon as a mighty warrior woman.   To say that I AM a writer – ahh yes, that leaves me giddy with love.

My entire journey, my entire self – the good, the bad, the dark, the light – I love it all for the wisdom it gives to me.  What an amazing thing it is to feel “in love” with one’s self and with one’s life!