What would you do?


What would you do if you knew that today was your last day? Your last day to say what you want to say to those you love.  Your last day to do the things you’ve always dreamed of doing. Your last day to hug someone. Your last day to soak up the wonderfulness of your favorite things. Your last day to adventure. Your last day to say “I love you.”  Your last day to eat your favorite foods.  Your last day to be brave.  Your last day to be the best you that you can be.

Think about it…

What are the things you know would be the first to go; the things you would stop doing as soon as you knew you have just one more day?  What are the things you would move heaven and earth to make sure you were able to do?  What are the things on your bucket list that you are waiting until “someday” to do?   What are the things that you find yourself doing day after day after day that seem to suck the life right out of your soul?  What are the things that bring you joy just at the thought of doing it?   What are the things you dream of doing but have no idea how to make them happen so they remain only a fantasy?  What does that deepest, most authentic part of yourself start to shout out to you as you think of having just 1 more day “PLEASE do it now, speak it now, let it go now, love it now, be it NOW!”?

Over the past 2 years of my life’s journey that so radically changed when Russell went into the hospital and died just a few days later,  there are a handful of things that I return to over and over again that feed my soul to such an extent that I can hear a resounding YES vibrate throughout my body.   On days like today, when the memories are strong and I remember how powerfully I stood in the magical mystery of fully living in this time and this moment, it is easy to look again at what it is I most want to live and speak on this day which is all I really have.

My children, just being in their presence, is bar none the most wonderful thing for me.  Every single day of my life I will tell them I love them and am proud of the paths they are choosing that are uniquely authentic to them and them alone.  They are learning to follow their hearts and do what they dream of doing now, rather than waiting for that nebulous “someday” so many of us wait for. I will do all I can to support them on their journeys and trust that they are wise enough to choose their own paths.

Writing, that wonderful tool of my Inner Muse, feeds my soul in ways that leave me in awe.    I write for me, as I wrote for Russell and I 2 years ago, but I also write for those who long to speak the words in their hearts but just can’t make them come out.  One of my biggest dreams for myself is that I will create a life in which writing is the vast majority of what I do as my creative, working self.  I will blog. I will write and publish books. I will create wonderfully new, imaginary worlds for people to enjoy.  I want to continue to speak this journey of mine, the transformations of my life, with vulnerability, honesty and complete authenticity.  I long to have my journey and the gift of my Muse to write it out loud inspire others.

Helping others to dream brings me more joy than just about any other thing. To envision a life of such possibility that we can only do all we can each day to inch closer to making those dreams a reality is magical to me.  This is what I want to offer to others.  We can create a new world for ourselves if we first allow ourselves to dream of what it is we REALLY want for ourselves.

I want to become an advocate for those who grieve the loss of a loved one either through death, divorce or other forms of separation.   The world struggles to be able to listen to all of the paths that grieving can take us down  Oh the first year after a loss speaking things out loud is accepted but after that first year support can get quieter and quieter and quieter, just as the shifting changes in ourselves get louder and more unsettling.  I feel such a powerful calling to speak my journey out loud because it’s not just for me I speak it for.  I speak it for all of those who feel they have no voice.  My Muse is a gift and with that gift comes a responsibility to share the images, the insights and wisdom I am gaining from this journey. Not everyone will understand, want to hear or care what I have to say and that is okay. If I can help just 1 person feel they are not alone by sharing my story then my journey and Russell’s journey have more meaning for me.

Adventuring in big ways and little ways, finding new things to bring joy into my life and my kids’ lives has become one of the greatest tools for building a new life.  Traveling, archery, rock climbing, new books, running, Smite conventions, building Avalon Sanctuary, puppies, new diets, and so much more have been adventures for us in the last couple of years that have become stepping stones to create lives that hold meaning and purpose for us.   We are striving to live out loud what we dream of doing right now. Not everyone understands the choices we are making and that is okay. They are our choices to make for the lives we dream of living.

So I ask you all the question again, What would you do if you knew today was your last day? And then I ask us all, What are we waiting for?   All it takes is one step to fall down a rabbit hole into a land where you life has changed forever. Do not wait. Do it NOW!