I’ve learned a valuable lesson in the past several weeks. Well let’s just say it’s a lesson that has sunk into my head a little bit deeper. It’s something I’ve known for a long time but I’ve been given lots of opportunities recently to practice putting it into action.
The lesson is this – People can’t read my mind and if they can’t ready my mind then they can’t possibly help me do the things I need help with. Just because it maybe screaming inside my head “I can’t do this alone. I need help.” it doesn’t mean anyone but me can hear that screaming. I know that I am surrounded by lots of people who are more than willing to help me; I just have to ask OUT LOUD.
Another level of this learning is that just saying I need help without clear times, tasks outlined, and tools that are needed isn’t enough for many folks. Without all of the information requests can feel vague and borderless. People’s hesitation to say yes isn’t necessarily because they don’t want to it can be they just need more info.
I am learning I need to live my whole life out loud, not just my grieving/healing journey. Why do I stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth? Maybe because they can be so jumbled in my mind. I worry it will come out in such an incoherent way that no one will understand me. Or I worry that if I start the tumble I won’t be able to stop it.
I (we?) so often feel overwhelmed by all that we need to do. That to-do list gets longer and longer and longer feeling more daunting as it grows. I wish other would help me. I can even feel resentful as I run around like chickens with my head cut off, wishing others around me would just help me. But the busier I get, the quieter I can become and then no one knows that I need help.
I have to ask for help in specific ways. When I do it’s amazing the response that I usually get. Every time I have asked for a specific need for help at specific times with specific parameters, I have received lots of replies of “Yes I can do that.” Or, I’ve received replies of “No I can’t help with that. Would this help?”
My commitment to living out loud in every time, every moment is a habit I am working to entrench deep within my entire being. When I do I least give myself a fighting chance to get all the help I need. And I give others a chance to be there for me as they can. It seems so simple when I write it out.
Vague request = Vague or no response
Specific request = Specific answer
Pretty simple equation isn’t it. Then, why is it so hard?