Releasing the Kraken

kraken

“The Kraken is a legendary sea monster of large proportions that is said to dwell off the coasts ofNorway and Greenland. The legend may have originated from sightings of giant squid that are estimated to grow to 12–15 m (40–50 ft) in length, including the tentacles.[2][3] The sheer size and fearsome appearance attributed to the kraken have made it a common ocean-dwelling monster in various fictional works.”

In our house, we watch a lot of Big Bang Theory.  It is one of our go to shows when we need to laugh.  As for many folks, Sheldon is one of the funniest characters for us. In one episode (not sure which one), Sheldon shouts out “Release the Kraken.”  For the life of me I can’t remember anything else about the episode except that line.

When we shout out “release the Kraken” in our family it is often connected to our dog, Alkina, when she is going grumpy, which actually happens a lot.  We are quite convinced that Alkina, our Kraken, would eat anyone who tried to break in or harm one of us.  Unfortunately she can’t always keep her grumpiness stored away for others.  And so, at times, it feels like the Kraken in her may turn on her loved ones.

This is how I feel more and more this week.  As if I have Kraken lying dormant inside of me who is coming close to awakening and taking out everything in her wake.  Overall, I know I am holding it together pretty well and somehow I am still staying fairly grounded and centered.  I breathe in and I breathe out and I walk away when I just can’t handle a space any longer.

While I am a little concerned about releasing my Kraken upon family and friends, my bigger concern is taking out unknowing strangers.  As we have shopped for necessary items this week I find myself wanting to start screaming “How can the world continue when I am crumbling?”  I come close, all the time, to telling random strangers I lost my husband and my kids lost their dad a few days ago.  When salespeople ask what they can help me with I almost bite my tongue off trying to stop from asking them if they can explain how I got to where I am right now.  Poor Kateri and I almost ran from Dress Barn last night when reality came crashing down hard and the walls felt like they were closing in.  At those times I fear shoving folks out of my way as fast as I can to get out of the room.  I picture myself as a Kraken with multiple arms just flinging things and people every which way.

In these moments, I allow myself to feel the pain, the anger, the confusion and just get myself to a safe place.  A safe place for me to just give in and allow it all to wash over me for awhile.

So, if I am in your presence and I all of a sudden shout out “release the Kraken” or I start flinging things you might want to run.  Or hug me.  The Kraken inside quiets with hugs – both physical and energy hugs sent from miles away.

Love and peace,

Lara

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