One day very soon I will write the story of how I came to start this blog. It has been in my thoughts for years. But the story of what pushed me into finally doing it is the story of how my husband, Russell, came to be in the hospital for reasons unknown to this day. Never would I have thought I would be where I am now, without him physically walking at my side. I am not ready to write that story yet. I told it often to dozens of people as we tried to figure out how to heal him. But in this moment, and in this time, I am not ready to write the story. It will come, just not right now.
Instead I will post the musings that boiled up inside of me as I walked the journey with him. These musings are what pushed and gently pulled me into finally starting a blog. I am very grateful for this avenue to healing.
THE HERO’S JOURNEY:
The writer in me seems to find times of great challenge – winter always being one – to be the best places/times for the muse to awaken. There are so many thoughts and insights and “hmms what about this” that arise when I am in the midst of some kind of struggling time. And as this is probably by far the most challenging times I have yet faced in my life.
I believe that Russell has gone deep into himself to retreat and heal whatever needs healing at this time. Sometimes in life the answers we need to walk in the light can only be found by walking into the shadowlands or into the dark night. It is in these darker, shadowy places that we can find allies and slay the demons that threaten our souls. Every hero’s journey has long, dark, solitary paths that can only be walked alone.
For Russell, who is connected to so many people and feels such a high responsibility to everyone in his life, maybe this is a way for him to take a path alone for a time. Personally I would have preferred him going off on retreat for weeks or even months, but it isn’t my journey, it is his.
My hope is that he is spending this silent time of his healing journey walking and talking with his favorite mystics and philosophers – Meister Eckhart, Thomas Merton, Thomas Aquinas. These are his allies. And I hope that his shadowland journey is more about learning than slaying dragons or demons. He would be much more happy to be having long conversations than fighting the terrors of the night.
As for us, while we wait for him to return, we are creating a bright, energetic light for him to follow as he finds his way out. The prayer shawl he has received is like a cloak arming him with strength and healing peace. We pray, we sing, we cry, we laugh, we read, we touch, we sit in quiet solidarity, we hug each other – all of these are the threads we are weaving in a massive web of healing. Every word you speak, text, email, facebook he is hearing in some way. We can help him find his way home to us.
Each and everyone of you are vital in strengthening the web of hope and healing we are weaving around him. We ARE his light through the shadowlands when he is ready to return. So I ask you all continue to sing, speak/write words of healing and love, share stories with each other about Russell (you know he loves a great story), pray, chant, hug, breathe do what you love with intention.
I am saving all my texts, emails and messages to share with Russell when he returns so he can experience the Love/Healing Web I can feel for him and us. Part of what I most love about the electronic world is the digital diary it leaves. All this will become part of Russell’s healing book, along with the cards and pictures he is receiving. It’s been amazing the way in which facebook has allowed us to reach literally 1000s of people around the world who are hoping for Russell’s return. Everyday I am amazed by one more group (up to 27 various communities that I am aware of) who is being added to the web. It is one of the reasons that I do love facebook.
Thank you all for your support and love. Russell and his entire family are deeply grateful!
With peace and love,