Wow, what a difference one year can make in our journeys! A year ago I shared one of the most raw musings I wrote in my healing journey. It popped up this morning on my Facebook memory feed and I’ve been reflecting upon it all day.
I wrote of being broken and afraid of many, many things. The dark places of loss, confusion, grief, anger, etc. where my Kraken swims was the landscape I swam through at this time last year. The deep, dark places of those waters often left me feeling very alone and so very lost. Everything in my life felt like it was hovering on a precipice ready to vanish forever.
I wrote…”In the end it doesn’t really matter when the breaking began. What matters is the here and now. And in this time, in this moment I feel broken and afraid. I feel as if all of the pieces of myself – my heart, my soul, my physical body, my gifts, my strengths, my weaknesses – all that I am is laying jumbled around my feet in a million tiny pieces. All of it is scattered around me waiting for me to reassemble it all into some kind of cohesive whole again.”
Today I live most often in the light places, filled with hope and curiosity about what comes next. Oh the dark places still thread throughout my being and rise up at odd moments as I think of missing Russell and the life we shared. But each day I am making more and more choices to become stronger, more joyful, filled with gratitude and possibility. I find that even on the darker days I don’t fall into the depths quite as far or as long. And I am able to soar with my butterfly dragon more and more often.
Healing is possible. Holding the pieces of my being – light and dark, hope and sadness, loss and connection – together in one magical piece has become a part of my daily dance. I no longer fear the things I shared in last year’s writing. I am doing the best that I can to live my life wholeheartedly and trust that all will be well. I have come far in reassembling the pieces of myself into a cohesive whole. No longer do they lay jumbled at my feet. Instead I can actually feel the pieces fitting back together piece by piece by piece.
As I become stronger I find myself wanting to walk with others on their own healing journeys. I find myself wanting to share the wisdom and the tools that have helped me along my healing journey. I wish to share the healing power of the horses, the community and the land at Avalon that has held me in sacred space all along the way.
The next steps on my journey include creating opportunities for people to come to Avalon and hear what wisdom the horses have to share with them. I am creating Equine Facilitated Learning workshops that will open the new possibilities for people to heal, hope and live more authentic lives. If all goes as planned the first of these workshops will begin in the fall. If you are interested in receiving more information I invite you to send me a note in the comment section and I will include you on our mailing list.
In this time, in this moment I am filled with gratitude for all of the ways I have healed in this past year. I am ready to see what the future holds!
If you are interested in reading last year’s blog to see how far I have come click here. Thanks for sharing in my journey. https://larapeterson.com/2015/06/30/broken-and-afraid/