Punch in the Stomach

Blech, I’ve just had one of those punch in the stomach kind of moments. I had an AC company out to look at my AC that’s been leaking. Mind you it’s the same company that came out late last summer and fixed a few things for the same problem. At that point there was nothing major wrong and they said the fixed it.

Well it’s been leaking again so I called my home warranty service to have them back out figuring it was all connected to the same issue from last year. I only owe a service call through my warranty service so as soon as I saw the leak I called them, not even looking more closely at the unit.

When they got here it was the same guys who came last year. The younger guy is super nice and he asked how things were at home and the farm. The older guy is much more abrupt and barely listened to me when I told him where the AC unit was. Just started walking where he thought he should go even though it was the wrong direction.

The younger guy went to look at the outside unit while the older guy entered the house to go downstairs. Didn’t wait to follow me just barged in ahead of me. Breathe Lara, just breathe! The mantra started right away!

Inside it was discovered a hose was disconnected somehow though we never touch it. So I felt silly with that discovery though honestly not too worried about it. The guy started sounding really judgy right away, or I heard it that way. Just took a breathe and didn’t worry too much.

Here’s where the punch came. The guy then looked at the rest of the unit found the unchanged filter. I almost threw up when he mentioned it and had all I could do to hold back tears that had been nowhere all day. I said yes I will get filters as he said half a dozen times I need to change it every month. Over and over again he said it, completely ignoring anything I said to him.

You all know that I am quite a capable person. I can fix waterers, fencing, carts, jump start a car, do my own taxes, even do a few things with my lawn tractor, and handle a lot of things very competently. However, Russell ALWAYS changed the furnace filters. It was one of the few maintenance things that he was 100% in charge of so I NEVER think about it. It simply isn’t on my radar no matter how important it is to do. All I could think as this guy just kept being a judgy ass (again my perspective and triggered feelings) was “It’s not my job. Why the fuck did you die Russell?”

Thank goodness for the younger guy who chatted with me again as he finished up payment. He was as compassionate, understanding and encouraging as the other guy was none of those things.

I’m writing and focusing on my breath so that I don’t collapse into a full tear attack, refuse to leave the house, and then eat every piece of chocolate in my house. I refuse to have food be my comfort item anymore. And I refuse to collapse into a pool of tears over an insensitive person and furnace filter.

I often think of the need to create an online service for people who are grieving that could be a tracking system/reminder service for paying bills, changing furnace filters, renewing car registration, making dental appointments, etc, – all of those things that aren’t daily happenings but need to happen on a somewhat regular basis. People would be able to sign up for as long as they felt they needed reminders. I have several people who continue to send me email reminders when a quarterly bill is coming up. It is such a gift to help remind foggy brained grievers of things that otherwise might fall off the radar. I don’t know how to go about creating this kind of a service but I am 100% sure it would help a lot of people.

I’m going to get furnace filters today and marking my calendar for the rest of year to change it at the end of each month.

Let’s all be gentle with one another. We never know when a simple, easy item could be a punch in the stomach to one another.
‪#‎takingmylifeback‬
‪#‎foodasfuelnotrewardorcomfort‬
‪#‎Icandothis‬
‪#‎livingoutloud‬

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