Quiet

“Blessed Beltane to everyone. A time of fertility and new beginnings. A time for letting go of the past so you can be open to new beginnings.”

One of my friends shared this today and it seems perfect for me at this time, in this moment.  I feel much of this moving within me.  And I feel myself slowly coming out of the ashes, the cocoon, the egg I have been resting in for the last 7 weeks.  Things are shifting and growing and moving inside of me – new growth, new beginnings, shedding the old, turning compost into fertile soil.  Blessings in it all.

I am quieter these days.  Quieter in speaking. Quieter in writing. Quieter in my being. Just quieter.  Partly it still takes too much effort to speak or write.  Things rattle around through my head I want to say or write.  But they get jumbled in my throat when I try to share.  And the thought of unjumbling them first is too much.

I find myself not trusting that how I speak or write will come out calm and wise and mostly kind.  Dragon is quite near the surface for me these days.  The Kraken has moved deep and seems to be resting quietly, not feeling it necessary to drag the world down into the dark abyss.  But Dragon hovers close by, waiting to blast fire out at anyone and anything that might feel threatening.  And what feels threatening isn’t always big things these days.  I even hesitate to teach my riding stuents right now, as this edginess within me can bubble up quickly and sharply, just like a flames shooting from a Dragon’s mouth.  Fast, furious, all encompassing and harmful.

So I try to stay quiet – breathing in and breathing out slowly and steadily.  It’s easier to be around other people when I stay in the quiet places within.  Sitting with people quietly, allowing conversations to flow around me – this I can do.  And I find peace for myself and for others in doing this.

The quiet is a good, good thing at this time, in this moment. In the quiet I can…

Sleep

Read

Write

Dream without fear

Feel the love of the world flowing around us

Hear others’ hearts

Listen to others’ stories

Walk in the gifts of spring

Rest and renew

Imagine a future of opportunities and choices

Strengthen my heart and my soul

Renew my body

Gently clear away the fog and cobwebs around my mind

Twine back together the threads of my shattered mind

Think of Russell with smiles, not just tears

Cry

Dream

Breathe deeply

Our house, and especially my room, have become a sanctuary space of quiet for me (and I think for our kids).  We are clearing away the clutter bit by bit.  We are adding new, fun, creative touches that brighten our space. We are letting go of unused things to make way for the new, or simply to create space, glorious space.

We are filling the house with all of our dreams, our hopes, our letting go, our remembering, our sadness, our joy, our silliness – and holding it all in the quiet sunshine that pours inside.  The kids and I can speak to each other as we need to or want to.  And the great blessing is we are all comfortable and even crave the gift of simply being in the quiet together.  With each other we can rest and simply be – without question and without explanations.  Quietly, fiercely, joyously loving each other.