I wrote this a year ago and I find it to be just as important for me to remember right now. The woulda, coulda, shouldas can still freeze me into a place of non-movement. The ones that wake me in the middle of the night now are different from the ones last year.
I find myself most wanting to transform my coulda, shoulda wouldas into I CAN, I CHOOSE TO, AND I WILL. I want to next year look back and see all the things I did do rather than be anxiously aware of what I haven’t. I want to make my life one of purpose, passion and power as a peaceful warrior woman.
I can! I choose to! I will!
The coulda, woulda, shouldas; the if onlys; the what ifs; these are the creepy, crawly monsters that worm their way into our hearts and minds. These are the thoughts that slide into us, making their way into the dark places within, waiting for just the right moment to come creeping back out with whispers of guilt that threaten to strangle us with their words. These are the things that keep us constantly questioning every decision we make or have ever made.
Creeping into my dreams, these messages twist my memories of what has happened in my life into crazy ass nightmares. Dreams – both sleeping and awake ones – that can leave me so muddled I find it hard to just get through a day. Seriously it is challenging enough to simply walk through grieving into a more whole, healed place. When shadowy messages with themes of coulda, woulda, shoulda…
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