I know

Iknow

For the last hour or so since I found it I have been repeating this over and over and over and over again.  It’s exactly what I most needed to read today and what I most need to hear myself tell myself.  I’ve been riding some crazy, out of nowhere tsunami like, waves today.  I know I am getting closer to some new shifts as things pop up around me providing opportunities for reflection, more clearing, more learning, and more accepting.  And those shifts are unsettling at times to say the least.

Lately I have had a number of experiences that have left me doubting my own perception of reality.   I think that I am making steps forward to being stronger, more balanced, more healed, more capable of handling work and my personal life. However my mind has been getting twisted up in wondering if others are seeing any of these changes or if they are just in my imagination.   I worry about what others think far too much sometimes and that can leave me doubting myself, my story, my truth.

As these doubts and worries twist around inside of me I start feeling very, very alone.   That niggling sense I can get of not belonging in my life anymore becomes stronger as I wonder whether I will ever be able to trust myself and my sense of the world again.   I feel in these moments that people find it easier to just not have me around because my very presence is a reminder to some that loss can happen to anyone.

Today I am reminded that I know my own truth and the truth is that I am figuring things out; I am stepping forward onto new paths; I am handling more and more everyday; I am competent and strong.  I am choosing love and peace everyday even on the days that all I want to do is lash out; by the end of the day I am resting in love and trust that all will be well. I am turning dreams into reality one baby step at a time.  I am healing my heart and daily choosing to open it up a little bit more.  I reading, learning, and trying new things.

My heart does know what is right for me.  Every time I stop, breathe from my heart and listen to what it is saying I feel myself moving forward with ease and peace.  My mind can play crazy ass tricks on me and when I listen to it alone I can get very twisted up inside.  But believing my heart and what it is whispering to me always leads me to the right path for me.

Trusting my voice and speaking my mind is the greatest way that I can live a wholehearted life of healing, love, and joy.    I may not always see all there is to see or know the best way to share what I most want to share but wow, I do try.   My truth, my heart, my eyes, my mind, my voice – these are what I must trust and follow even if others can’t understand them.  It’s only really important that I understand the path I am on.  This is what I must know above all else.

 

2 thoughts on “I know

  • Those that we have lost will never leave us. It sounds horrible cliché, especially when all we desperately want is one more hug or loving word from the person we lost. Even though they’re no longer physically with us, they are still a huge part of what made us stronger, helped us grow, and turned us into the people we are today. So many people care about you deeply and will not hesitate to offer help, advice, or just companionable silence if you need it. Sometimes we might be really scared of saying the wrong thing – sometimes it’s easier to say nothing than to risk hurting a grieving friend or family member further. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to be around you – not at all! Perhaps they worry about bringing up past memories for you and upsetting you further when all they want to do is take the pain from you and guide you to happiness. ❤
    Whatever roads you decide set out upon, whether they are well-traveled or have not yet been ventured down, forge ahead in the confidence that you – and you alone – know exactly what is best for you. Never let anyone tell you that you must be something or someone or that you must do something because it’s what you’ve always done. Just be you. As Joan of Arc proclaimed: “I am not afraid – I was born to do this!” Wishing you all the peace and comfort in the world. Grief doesn’t lessen its icy grip easily, but, in time, it will slowly and painfully become more bearable.

    “Do not stand at my grave and weep.
    I am not there; I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow.
    I am the diamond glints on snow.
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
    I am the gentle autumn rain.
    When you awaken in the morning's hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
    I am the soft star that shines at night.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry;
    I am not there; I did not die.”
    ~Mary Elizabeth Frye

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  • Peg, thank you for sharing this. I just found it this morning! I haven’t quite figured out how to maneuver around my blog site yet. Your sharing was so special to me. I am filled with deep gratitude and love. thank you!!!!

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