Yes, yes, I know that it is the 6th day of Christmas and I am writing about day 4. This is the one I intended to write on Monday. However, I dove deep into caving up on Monday – hiding under my covers while reading, napping, lots of hot tea, watching New Girl, vegging with my kids – and completely forgot about writing. Then, Tuesday (the 5th day of Christmas) I re-entered working and got caught up in re-organizing projects. Writing just wasn’t part of my desire for the day.
There is a decent chance that starting tomorrow I am going to go back to writing about whatever enters my brain. I still have many gifts I am grateful for I wish to blog about and I also many other ideas that are ruminating near the surface, almost ready to be written. So we shall see what tomorrow brings.
For tonight, I write about with gratitude about my 4 siblings. My appreciation and love for them has increased profoundly over the past 9+ months. I’ve always been extremely thankful for the fact that I enjoy spending time with all of them. That we, as adults, often seek to all be together at family gatherings over many other event possibilities is a joy to me. I know that this is not always so in all families.
Oh we have our moments of frustration with the actions of one another. We don’t always see eye to eye. But even on the tail of disagreements we come back together with a quiet knowing that we love one another and will be there for one another as soon as one of us speaks the need.
This year I have felt the steady, quiet, gentle, powerful presence of each of my siblings. We aren’t always the most talkative group and that is okay. I have experienced each and every one of my siblings stepping up to stand next to me during this cuckoo luckoo time. In the crazy aftermath between Russell’s death, planning his funeral, and the weeks right after I had powerful experiences of their loving presence.
My brothers, Jason and Jeremy, showed up with my parents at the funeral home when it was time to plan the details of Russell’s funeral. I didn’t know they were coming and was happily stunned by them being there. To me, it felt like having 2 solid guards/bouncers show up to stand in fierce protection of me. Their presence felt like this amazing wall of love, strength and caring. Jason became the perfect proofreader of the obituary as my brain stopped being able to function coherently. I often think back on that afternoon and can easily recall how incredibly loved I felt by these two in those moments. Jeremy has found the most amazing dragon items for me and even helped me find the idea of the butterfly dragon that tattoos my arm. I have no doubt these two brothers would stand firmly with me against danger I might face.
My brother, John, spent many, many hours sorting through pictures to pull together one of the most beautiful slide presentations I’ve ever seen. He had very confused and little communication from me. Yet he somehow saw into my heart and put into visual form all I wanted this slideshow to convey about Russell and his life as I knew it. I have not yet been able to look back over this slideshow but I have it waiting for me when I am ready. It is beautiful, creative, loving, and as amazing as John himself is. John exudes a boundless joy and wonder with the world that he has carried with him since childhood. This brings great joy to me everytime I am with him.
My sister, Becca, was one of my constant contacts in those first shocking weeks after Russell’s death. I spent more time with her than I had in a long time before that. She helped me laugh, create new art things, step outside of my own thoughts, and always said yes to doing something or simply hanging out together. The jewelry she creates have been powerful touchstones for me. My tree of life necklaces she made for me barely left my neck the first 6 months of this journey. I felt the reiki energy she charged it with pour into me at my hardest times. Now, as bracelets are my new things, I wear the chakra bracelet she gave me for Christmas and smile at how cool it is to have such a creative sister.
Each of these siblings I consider friends and am so very happy that they are part of my regular life. I love looking at pictures of family trips, adventures, and just simple nights of playing cards or games together. I look forward to many more of these times. I am filled with gratitude that they are part of my life for more than just the biggest events of life.
I love you my siblings. Thank you for supporting, loving, and being there for me and my kids. Know that you are deeply appreciated and I am so very, very happy you are my brothers and sister.
Breathe and Be 