The Future


My email intended as a simple update to my farm community came out more as a musing this morning.  So I decided to share it here.  Enjoy! 🙂

Good morning everyone,
As I sit in the quiet of my morning, listening to the birds singing, watching the sun start to shine (ahh!) and try to breathe deeply thinking of putting Kateri and Soren on a plane to Italy for 17 days there is much that is running through my being.  Unbelievably it was 2 months yesterday that Russell died.  In many ways it feels so much longer and in other ways as if it happened just yesterday.  I am getting stronger and the kids are as well.  Our lows aren’t quite as low anymore or at least not for as long.  We don’t have very high moments yet but are finding simple pleasures again and even experiencing joy.  More than anything we are close to each other and put time with each other above almost everything else.   For that I am very thankful.
I also continue to be very thankful for the community of people gathered around us.  So many folks who continue to hold us up and keep us strong.  So much kindness continues to be poured out over and through us and my heart fills with love for all who are standing with us through this most fascinating and bizarre time.
Slowly we are all taking glimpses into the future and beginning to baby step our ways into exploring new paths to follow.  Lots of new possibilities await us when we are ready.  Kateri’s and Soren’s trip to Italy is just one big step for them into a future they are claiming as their own.  We are taking a 10 day trip at the end of July to Florida with a bunch of my family to a lovely beach home where we will sit on a beach and allow the soaking in of the sun to further heal our aching hearts.  All of the kids have smaller trips and plans with their friends throughout the summer.  We are healing and hoping.
Avalon and all that it encompasses for me is one of the greatest gifts at this time and in this moment.  I continue to have not adequate enough words to express all of the gratitude and love I have for this farm, these people, these animals, the land itself which embraces me in all of who I am – my joy, my fogginess, my sadness, my frustration, my despair, my hope, my dreams.  It is such an amazing gift that I have been given to be able to come and go as I can over the last 2 months.  I believe my healing is going much deeper because of the time and space you all continue to give me to grieve, to be there, to not be there, to laugh, to cry, to just sit in silence.  Thank you!
There is much that has shifted over the last few months in how things are running at Avalon.  The strong core thread of my dream, my vision, my plans for Avalon remain.  But as I let others deeper into the daily workings of the farm, camps, lessons, etc. I find I am needing to shift some of the web threads I have spun for Avalon.  Some no longer apply and so are being gently detached from the web.  Other threads need to be added and so I spin new threads adding them to our Avalon Web.
I am also realizing that I will continue to need other web weavers to maintain and build the Avalon web for now and in the future.  There are many possibilities for new learning, new dreaming that I am doing right now.  I have taken baby steps forward to start somethings and others I am waiting until I am stronger before I step forward.  All of these learnings and dreamings still very much keep me connected to Avalon which is in many ways my heart’s hope.  There is just so much more that I dream of for Avalon and I cannot do all of it alone.  Nor do I want to do it alone. And so I invite others in to add their threads to the Dream Web we are all weaving for Our Avalon.
Logistically, the Co-Op Team that was formed when Russell first entered the ICU to temporarily keep things going remains in place.  I am slowly handling a few more things each week.  And I will be doing even more as we enter into summer and camp seasons.  However, the Co-Op Team will remain actively working with me as we step into a new future for Avalon.  Denise is going to be taking over many of the communications with work crews and instructors for me – maintaining schedules, reminding folks of tasks to be done, in taking requests for equipment, etc.  We are calling her the CC – the Communications Coordinator because she’s always wanted to be one. 🙂  Nikki continues to handle much of the extra horse care needs for the farm – hay and grain purchases, medical care, feed changes, etc.  She’s come up with some great new notification systems that are making it easier for all of us.  John and Kenny keep handling much of the extra building of things and all the tractor work.  Emily, Carrie and Vicky are doing extra projects and behind the scenes planning with me.   All of these team members keep me in the loop and come to me for everything that might need to shift or be done at Avalon.  But they are providing the energy and the follow through to make things happen.
I am thankful for these folks who have said YES to maintaining my vision and my dream.  And for adding their own ideas to make Avalon even stronger.  I am also thankful for all of you who have offered support, ideas, dreams of your own, offers to help in anyway I need it, and just being there.  I am thankful for all of my friends and family who support and love and keep me strong to follow my path. I will keep myself at the core of Avalon and be its main web weaver, but I am oh so happy to be opening myself up to allowing others ideas and dreams become a part of our web.
I am very, very excited about what the next 6 months to a year will bring for Avalon.  the dreaming and scheming going on is all wonderful things for all of us.  Together we can make this place even more magical than it already is.
With deep love and gratitude for you all,