Visioning and Wonder Woman

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“You keep doubting yourself. You are stronger than you believe. You have greater powers than you know!” Antiope to Diana

I’m watching Wonder Woman while I work on a new vision board. Perfect way to tap into my inner warrior woman/badass who wants to transform the world. If we all really believed we could positively impact our world with work from our hearts imagine how amazing it would be!

#superherosarereal #heartwork #iamawarrior #wonderwoman

Continuing Inspiration

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This morning’s #pennyhello! Stepping up the shinyness and the abundance. WOOHOO!

Russell was the master at meeting new people and talking to EVERYONE we met. I used to watch in awe as he made quick connections with strangers, though I don’t think he ever thought of folks as strangers.

This is the energy I WILL channel for my life. I love all of the opportunities in my life to impact the world in a positive way! I’ve got to stop hiding behind my fears which are many.

Thanks Russell for continuing to inspire me! I see you smiling at me saying “GO!”

(Written July 22)

Oh How I Wish, Part #1

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It’s been several weeks since my last penny find, hello from Russell. I’ve found this interesting considering the family gatherings and new adventures I’ve had, which is usually prime times for me to find pennies as I think more of Russell. Today, as Carrie S Magill dropped me off at home I found a penny on my driveway that wasn’t there this morning. 😍😍
I will be writing TONS about this weekend and the next layer of awakening that is happening. So many ah-has and new dreaming as I get a deeper sense of my mission and vision for how I want to impact the world.
For tonight, I’m simply grateful for my penny find as Russell has been strongly in my mind all weekend. I keep thinking “Oh, how I wish I’d found OPTAVIA and this health path before Russell died. Maybe he’d still be here. ”
This right here is a large part of my why. I will share more soon. Tonight, I smile and will dance a dance for Russ. 💃💃💃

(Written on July 21)
#pennyhellos #optavia18 #healthcoach #lifetransformation #iamawarrior #warriorlara

Always see the MAGIC

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MAGIC – I hope and pray every single day that I will always believe that there is magic alive in this world. I’m sure I will as long as I continue to be part of things like yesterday as the very land of Avalon seemed to pulse with it from beginning to end. It was if a giant bell had been rung upon first light of the sun that sent reverberations through the horses, the people, and the land itself throughout the entire day.
This is the MAGIC I hear and feel to some extent everyday that I am part of Avalon. From the first moment I stepped my foot onto this property, I could hear and feel the land speak to me, no more like sing to me a song meant just for me. It’s weird to me to talk of it at times as it feels so twilight zoney and foreign to world that seeks to have such tangible proof of things. But yesterday and now this morning, the MAGIC continues to sing to me and through me so powerfully I am alternating between laughing and crying with joy and amazement.
Watching people come to Avalon and hear for even a short amount of time the MAGIC song that is there always leaves me feeling humbled and awed that I get to part of something so much bigger than a horse farm. I love the events themselves and watching people ride their horses to personal successes is wonderful. But it is watching people smile and laugh while they volunteer or compete or watch their loved ones compete that leaves me a tingle with love that seems to expand forth from the deepest part of my heart. I open myself up to feel all that energy and channel it right back through my heart to reconnect with all that is Avalon.

Beyond, so far beyond, my desire for us to create successful events is my desire for us of the Avalon community to create a place where people realize, or rather remember, MAGIC is alive in our world. It is the MAGIC of love, connection, community over competition, hope, joy, patience, humility, respect, learning, and always seeking to do things just a bit better than the time before.

This is the life I want to lead – a life that ALWAYS see the MAGIC in this world, in its’ creatures and in the humans who walk it with me. Every single day I want this to be my focus, no matter what swirly places my mind and the tasks that can weigh on me seek to take me.

I tell you what, I may not always get things right and I may not always handle the things in my life as well I would like, but that’s okay because I know I am always striving to grow and become a better friend, leader, mother, daughter, and person. Plus, I can see MAGIC at work in the world around me and I can hear the land that holds a large piece of my heart sing. How AMAZINGLY cool is that!

 

The Hidden Gifts

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At first glance those of you who know me will think this musing is about the penny seen here and will lead to me talking about Russell who I always connect found pennies to these days.  In some ways it is but it is about so much more.  It is about the gifts behind the gift we think we are receiving.  It is about the love and caring of others that I can totally miss in my excitement at finding something I look for in my everyday life.  It is about the hidden gifts that magically can break open the dark places and send burst of joyful light wash over me without me even realizing it.

A few weeks ago I came home at the end of a long day and found this penny sitting on a leaf on my front door step.  I knew it hadn’t been there when I left so it felt like an extra big, magical hello from Russell. Anytime pennies show up in spots I know they weren’t just a little while ago I start hearing the Twilight Zone theme song playing in my head.  It’s eerie and exciting all at the same time.  I quickly took a picture to share, pocketed the penny, went inside and put it in my special storage space. Then I thought nothing more of it, including forgetting to post the picture.

A few mornings later one of Avalon’s boarders, Jessica, asked me if I’d gotten the present her daughter, Lauren, had left for me on the front porch. My mind blanked as I tried to recall a gift left for me.  I’m sure I looked like a deer in the headlights trying to figure it out. Jessica went on to tell me that Lauren had left me a penny with a written note on a leaf for me.  I was stunned as I realized it was the penny I’d found at the end of a rough day.  I was moved almost to tears.

I immediately looked at the picture I’d taken and sure enough I could see there was writing on the leaf.  I’d totally missed it in my excitement to find a penny.  I was stunned!  When I saw Lauren that afternoon I thanked her profusely and shared with her how much that penny had meant to me that day.

In my excitement finding something I look for I had missed the real gift completely – that a young woman in Avalon’s community had found a penny, thought of me, wrote me a note and left it all for me at my home.  What an amazing gift of sweet love and caring she gave to me.  And I’d almost missed it.

It’s taken me weeks to be able to write about the musings around this wrapped up penny gift. I’ve realized there are gifts every single day that I am missing because I’m so focused on the obvious, right before me things.  But it’s the wrapping around those obvious gifts that mean even more.   It’s the fact that Lauren and so many others think of me in seemingly random ways and then they share that with me.  That is what I am in awe of all of the time.

Lauren will probably never know how much her gift has meant to me.  Thank you can’t ever adequately describe the depth of my gratitude for people like Lauren just sharing their love and care of me and my kids.   But that’s okay.  I know what it means and I know how it’s opened me up to look at things with a wider, deeper lens.

In this time, this moment I am grateful!

 

Underground

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Ahhh, interesting insight this morning as I woke up feeling refreshed and hopeful about my day then suddenly had the air knocked out of me and tears started to flow when a quick grief burst hit. For months, a few years really, I’ve been struggling to articulate why the second and third and now the beginning of the fourth year after Russell died have felt harder in so many ways than the first. Don’t get me wrong that first year was wicked hard, but the years since that have been even harder. I have much to write about all of it but this morning’s flash of insight is all I will share until I have more time to write.

The continuing journey of healing has been harder for me since that first year anniversary because the grief has gone underground. That hit me like a flash of lightning this morning. Oh I’ve known it but the sudden clarity that my grief is like an underground warren of tunnels makes so much sense. In my first year of grieving everything was on the surface. Everything was out there for the world and me to see. Nothing was hidden because the shock wouldn’t allow it to be.

But as life has gone on as it must that grief has moved under the surface and it is only when something triggers it that the grief is made visible again. Otherwise, most of the time, it is just a quiet, twisty mess of emotions that can leave me constantly feeling like I am on edge and the world is never just right even in the best of moments.

I am in awe of how my journey continues to unfold and the wisdom of my deepest self speaks to me. I have every confidence that this new insight is going to open up some new areas of healing and transformation for me. I know I’ve got to figure out how to bring somethings closer to the surface again so that they don’t eat at me, leaving me feeling twisted up in the tunnels and stuck all of the time. And I know I have more strengthening to do so that the grief bursts don’t leave me incapacitated. I want to be LIVING in joy, hope and strength so much more than I am.

WOWZA!

 

What If?

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I believe one of the hardest things to do for someone who is in pain is to know what we can do to make it better.  We watch those we are about struggle with grief, confusion, pain, and loss feeling so helpless to make anything better.  We find ourselves at a loss for words, a loss for knowing what action to take, and sometimes even at a loss for being present to them.  We want so desperately to ease their pain but just simply don’t know how.

What if all we needed to do to show support to people with aching hearts was to open our space up to them?  The space of our hearts; the space of our joy; the space of possibility; the space of ourselves.  What if we just said yes to sitting with them, listening and offering quiet support as they journey through on their dark path?  What if we didn’t need to do anything more than BE THERE without expectations that they tell us how to fix them?  What if we allowed them to enter into our own daily routine so that they could forget the dark swirling of their own, even if only for a few short hours?  What if we shared our happy place with them and allowed them to find some much needed peace from the tumultuous waves in their hearts?

I had the profound gift of an opportunity yesterday to spend the day with a friend’s sister who tragically had her husband die in a vehicular accident 14 months ago.  Eerily her and I share the same date for the deaths of our husbands.  There are many more connections we share – some surrounding our new lives as widows and some just about who we are and what we have done with our entire lives.  I won’t share more than that because it would mean sharing more of her story and I have a strong belief that I should only share my own story, allowing others to share theirs if and when they want to.

What struck me throughout our day of riding, talking, swimming with Karoly in the pond (Joy of joys), sharing our stories and just breathing was that I really didn’t DO anything yesterday besides share the gifts of my own life with someone who very much needed a place to breathe and be with the horses and the quietness that is Avalon.   It was a gift to me because I got to ride which I don’t do often enough; I got to sit and connect with a wonderful person; and I got to remember that my calling at this time in my life is to share my story and share the healing space of Avalon with those who need it.    Oh teaching lessons, hosting clinics and shows, having camps and managing the farm is all well and good but that is NOT my calling nor my current mission.

I don’t know exactly how I can allow or encourage this mission to unfold in a deeper and broader way, but I was reminded yesterday that one of my greatest joys is seeing people’s heart pains ease just by being here in this magical space.  Allowing myself to sit and be present to them in whatever way unfolds is of more value than me cleaning the stalls or fixing fence.  How to open myself up to making this a very active part of my regular work is the question.  I do believe if I remain open to the answers they will come.

I hope and pray that all who come to Avalon find some respite for the cares of the world – whether they be big or small.  Yesterday was just a more radical, conscientious day of offering that opportunity to someone seeking peace.   The gifts to me were so much more than I feel like I gave but that is the magic of being on the right path.  When we say yes to opening up the space of our hearts, our pain, our joy, ourselves so many amazing things are allowed to unfold.

If you know someone who is in a dark place of struggle, of grieving or of feeling stuck think about opening the space of your happy place to them.  Allow them to simply be with you as you garden, as you ride, as sit at your favorite park, as you go to the library where the quiet is so lovely, as  you hike or whatever it is that makes you happy. Pick them up from their house (driving places when you’re in deep pain is REALLY hard) and take them with you, assuring them there are no expectations that they do or even say anything. They can simply come along for the ride.

What if instead of trying to fix everyone’s pain we simply shared a little bit more of our joy with them?  We might be surprised what a gift that could be for us all.