Returning and Rising – that is what has been running through my mind all day. Really it’s been moving around inside of me for awhile, but today especially I’ve been thinking about my journey and the ways in which I am returning and rising all in the very same movements. It’s as if with the inhale of my breath I am returning to myself at the time when I first me Russell which was a time in my life I felt the most confident about who I was in my body, heart and mind. And then in the next moment as I exhale, I am rising into a new, on fire me who is once again gaining confidence in herself body, heart and mind. Returning and Rising!
Today this is especially true as it is the 20th of the month. Russell died on the 20th of the month of March and so every single 20th day since then I have been uber aware of him, like the tingling of skin with a mild sunburn. There is a kind of constant awareness that occurs, sometime super painful and at others just an enhanced awareness. This is what life is like for me on the 20th of each month. Most of the time recently it is just an enhanced awareness, but I can still slip into that super painful place at a moment’s notice. Today was just an enhanced awareness kind of day which brought more thoughts of him and what he would think of who I am becoming.
Today also marks my 1 year anniversary of becoming a health coach, which was a flukey kind of undertaking simply because my friend, Kathy, wanted to get healthier and my coach, Carrie, told me I should try it. I went into last year not thinking I’d do anything more than “coach” Kathy. Heck, I live a busy life with one business I run already. Who needed two? Not me. But now, a year later, I am in love with OPTAVIA and the profound opportunity it provides for people just like me who are wanting to get healthier but just need the extra support, the extra education, the ease of a program to help them on their way. I am in love with getting to be part of people’s journeys to awakening to what a healthier life for their body, minds, hearts and finances can look like. I’m in love with being part of a ginormous community that is ALL about positivity and empowerment. In an entire year, I’ve experienced not bit of negativity and that is astounding to me. I am in love with how cheerleading other people helps me stay on my best path.
I am in love with the person I am rising into as she is also the one I am returning to. She is a woman aware of her own power to influence her world. She is a woman falling in love with her body again and finding joy in it. She is a woman who feels confident about her path forward. She is a woman who knows that cravings are only temporary and so she chooses healthier options most of the time (margaritas and chips still call like a siren to me – lol). She is a woman whose creative brain is so awake and energized that sleep is becoming less of a priority – what?! She is a woman whose body feels stronger, younger and more capable than it has since it started birthing children. She is a woman whose body and mind feels like her own again, not just an extension of others. She is a woman who is falling in love with life and seeking new adventures because her body can handle it again. She is a woman whose heart is healing more rapidly and more deeply because it’s no longer hidden under layers upon layers of comfort food clogging it all up. She is a woman who is rising from the ashes of her grief with a passion and a desire to help people live their very best lives in whatever way they dream of . She is a woman who is a warrior, refusing to let fear of what others will think stop her from speaking her truth and going after her dreams.
So today on the 20th day of December I am remembering Russell, missing him and wishing he was here, while also knowing he would be my biggest cheerleader for my own health journey and for the ways I am using my greater health to pay it forward to the world. He would cheerlead me loudly and persistently as I dreamed of a world where people were healed and whole and believed in themselves as much as I do.
So today I am returning to that woman he fell in love with as I also rise into the woman I can once again be in love with. What a massive reclaiming of who I am and who I want to be is happening right now in this time and in this moment. The gratitude I feel goes beyond words.