“Here’s where you belong. Right here.”

Ahh, NIA tonight was a wonderful, celebratory time! My sister, Becca Caplan, joined us for the first time and I loved having time with her. We danced to some of my favorite songs, including “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing. Lots of playful silliness and joy!

Our final song of the night was “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” As I laid on the floor for our final, restorative stretches I thought of the many mornings I played this song for Russell over and over again while he was in the hospital. I wasn’t sad thinking about it, simply aware of this special time I had each morning with him. As I relaxed deeper into the floor, softly singing along, I had the amazing and rare experience of actually hearing Russell’s voice in my head. I imagined him smiling, saying very gently and also with complete surety “Here Lara is where you belong. Here in your body, in this time and in this moment, is where you belong. The rest of where you are meant to be and what you are meant to do next will come when it is time. For now here, RIGHT HERE, is where you belong and where you need to stay. Belong to yourself, for now that is enough, more than enough.”

I nearly gasped out loud as it is rare that I feel his presence so strongly. I am aware of him much of the time, more often with smiles these days. But hearing his voice so vividly in my head, ah that is an amazing gift of a moment.

Once again I am stunned at what dancing at NIA and opening my heart to feeling what the music and movement pulls forth from me.

Feeling deeply grateful and a little bemused at finding both Russell and another piece of my self in the rainbow!

(Written May 31)

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