Rabbit holes, caves and flying in the light – these are the things of my current musings I step deeper into myself seeking the wisdom that only I can find. The power of these places within my mystical exploring has come fiercely to me over this past week. I have had some amazing shifts in understanding the full meaning about the places in my imagining that are sacred spaces of inspiration. My body almost hums with joy and awe as I begin this first attempt at writing about what is coming forth.
My gratitude for the two amazing women, Barbara Alexander and Ayanna Makonnen, who are acting as mentors and coaches for me right now is abundant. I believe I have drawn these women into my life to act as guides in the vision quest I am beginning to understand more deeply I am walking. They radically listen to rambling thoughts that are pouring forth from me right now and hear a deeper wisdom my soul is speaking. What has come forth from my conversations with them this past week is profoundly singing throughout my entire being. This writing is simply my first step into sharing what is coming forth for me at this time, this moment. Be forewarned it maybe long as there is very much to begin to speak.
Upon this journey that I am on I have spoken often of the dance I feel myself in between the light and the dark in my life. Dark and light, grieving and healing, goodbyes and hellos, embracing and letting go, all of these are just some of the seemingly contrasting ideas I explore on a daily basis. I see it all as one big web or dance to be entered into and embraced.
I have many, many days right now that I experience deeper breathing and ability to move through life with a sense of openness and possibility. As I enter more completely into healing myself and exploring new ways of being I often can feel giddy with the opportunities before me. I can have several days in a row that seem to flow with great ease. These days are pure gift as they fill me light and a sense of well-being. On these days I feel like I can fly and I love being other people.
Then I experience days that up until a few days I have been describing as crash or collapse days. These days are darker in nature, often with a lot of tears. These are days that I feel like I have been shoved back down the rabbit hole. I often tap out from the world on these days as the feelings of vulnerability and sorrow are too much to take with me into interactions with other folks. My children are the only ones I want to be around on these days. And these days are also pure gift to me as I am finding it is in these darker places that my muse most wants to speak. If I listen to myself and my needs for self-care on these days I see them as deeply positive days, not ones to be avoided.
My experience of entering into one of these “crash” days about 10 days ago is what led to some deep conversations with my guides this week. Both women were able to speak insights that has radically shifted how I look at my light and my dark days. The sense of being in the midst of a transformational shift is profoundly in my awareness at every moment ever since. Defining what my cave, my rabbit holes, and my light are is leading to some amazing insights about how to play with my world right now.
CAVES are the lair of both dragons and krakens. They are dark hideaways, a place to store one’s treasures and to hide from the world. Caves are a place of deep, direct connection to myself and to Source. Some of my deepest insights and reflections often come from this place, my Cave of Solace. Here it is that I connect to my sorrow and grieving, as well as the grieving and sorrow of the world. I MUST write when I am in here; it is the only way that I can release all of the emotion that flows in and through me when I am here. The cave is a very safe, sacred space for me. This is a place of healing, solace, and regeneration. I CHOOSE to go to the cave for deeper connection, understanding and care. I experience profound gratitude, love, and insight in my cave. It is here that I give myself permission to feel everything.
FLYING IN THE LIGHT is an experience of great joy, enthusiasm and freedom here. Often I am so busy moving, soaking in the heat of the sun, and embracing the power of flying energy I don’t slow down enough to write when I am in this place. I do have great insights into what I want my life to look like when I am flying in the light. I simply store those in my being to be explored more deeply and written about when I go into my cave. Here is where I connect and can speak with others. This is a place of exuberant dancing, trying new things, and immense JOY at being alive. I truly believe I can sprout dragon wings and fly when I am here. I laugh, I dance, I play, I believe in all possibility when I am here. I CAN FLY!
RABBIT HOLES are the hidden places that I drop into, often sliding as fast as lightning down into a warren of twisted up paths. The trip down a rabbit hole feels like someone suddenly and without warning has pushed me down a really steep slide greased with oil. It is almost impossible to do anything on this slide but breathe. I’ve realized this week that my drop down a rabbit hole is always connected to someone else and being entangled in their story, their life, their journey. I often experience a sense of a disconnect between the spoken and the unspoken that is hidden behind the veil. In this space I feel like I must be on hallucinogenic drugs, as everything is very, very cuckoo luckoo in this space. Following one path that seems to be going forward can lead to a multitude of paths going in every direction. In my experience of sensing other people’s energy and wanting to be connected to them, I can get sucked into things that are better for me to steer clear of. The very desire I constantly have to connect with others can cause a deep disconnect with myself when I am in this space. I often experience a lot of resistance in this space and can even stop listening to my inner wise woman voice. I can feel very out of control here.
All three of these places are very active and real worlds of my imaginative creating of my universe. The interplay between these worlds can be a most fascinating journey. If I don’t notice when I am feeling saturated with information and human interaction and willingly choose to enter my Cave of Solace, I will most likely end up collapsing into a Rabbit Hole. When I attempt to keep interacting with the world, rather than retreating to a place of quiet and solitude, I can become more quickly entwined in other people’s stuff which can lead to conflict and stepping into that rabbit hole. I am getting stronger and wiser which means I can often find my Cave of Solace after I have completed my slide down the rabbit hole to the warren of paths below the surface. I love the thought of learning how to listen so honestly to myself that I choose to enter my cave long before I happen upon a hidden rabbit hole. Learning how to Fly through the air on dragon wings or under the sea with the speed of a kraken to my lair – my place of treasure and connection – seems like a lot more fun than falling down a hole I’ve been shoved into.
There is much, much, much more that I will be writing about these places, especially my Cave of Solace. There are some profound connections I experience as I enter into musing about this cave. Connections to Russell (the image I shared is from Russell Cave in Alabama), dreams from years ago, and other musings I’ve had over the years are all coming forth into my conscious mind. Thoughts and ideas and understandings are beginning to join as I continue this visioning journey I walk in this time, this moment. My gratitude for this journey and my guides along the way is profound and wraps around me with love and joy. WOW!!!