First written on the morning of March 20.
It was at this time last week that Russell Peterson first told me he “might” need to go to the doctor. Our first, unknowing, step down the rabbit hole.
I’ve been awake for 2 hours but the compulsion to write came upon me so strongly today that I needed to do that first. Later today I will share my musing. I also hope to share a longer story of whst happened last Friday with current update.
I know I am pretty much “blowing” up my link to Facebook this week. What rises in me to write comes boiling to the surface and I feel compelled to share.
For years I’ve considered starting a blog for just these boiling up moments. Perhaps I will finally (anyone want to help me get page set up?). For now, I write and I share everywhere I can so that I csn link as many people as possible to Russell ‘ s Healing Web.
If this is all too much for you I understand. Hide my page, don’t read, do what you need to for you. Live in your truth of what us best and most true for you as I am living in mine. All my writings -updates, stories, musings- are for me and Russell. I hope they help you but I do it for us.
May we all today follow our hearts and not put off what we most want for our lives. We are proof that your life csn change in one step.
Love and peace surround us all.
Here is the second of my writings from my time in the hospital with Russell. It was during writing this one that I realized my muse/my voice had awoken and I was entering a new time of sharing my story from my deepest, most authentic, most trusting self. It was written on March 19, 6 days into my journey with Russell in Cuckoo Lukoo Land.
“The Kraken is a legendary sea monster of large proportions that is said to dwell off the coasts ofNorway and Greenland. The legend may have originated from sightings of giant squid that are estimated to grow to 12–15 m (40–50 ft) in length, including the tentacles. The sheer size and fearsome appearance attributed to the kraken have made it a common ocean-dwelling monster in various fictional works.”
In our house, we watch a lot of Big Bang Theory. It is one of our go to shows when we need to laugh. As for many folks, Sheldon is one of the funniest characters for us. In one episode (not sure which one), Sheldon shouts out “Release the Kraken.” For the life of me I can’t remember anything else about the episode except that line.
When we shout out “release the Kraken” in our family it is often connected to our dog, Alkina, when she is going grumpy, which actually happens a lot. We are quite convinced that Alkina, our Kraken, would eat anyone who tried to break in or harm one of us. Unfortunately she can’t always keep her grumpiness stored away for others. And so, at times, it feels like the Kraken in her may turn on her loved ones.
This is how I feel more and more this week. As if I have Kraken lying dormant inside of me who is coming close to awakening and taking out everything in her wake. Overall, I know I am holding it together pretty well and somehow I am still staying fairly grounded and centered. I breathe in and I breathe out and I walk away when I just can’t handle a space any longer.
While I am a little concerned about releasing my Kraken upon family and friends, my bigger concern is taking out unknowing strangers. As we have shopped for necessary items this week I find myself wanting to start screaming “How can the world continue when I am crumbling?” I come close, all the time, to telling random strangers I lost my husband and my kids lost their dad a few days ago. When salespeople ask what they can help me with I almost bite my tongue off trying to stop from asking them if they can explain how I got to where I am right now. Poor Kateri and I almost ran from Dress Barn last night when reality came crashing down hard and the walls felt like they were closing in. At those times I fear shoving folks out of my way as fast as I can to get out of the room. I picture myself as a Kraken with multiple arms just flinging things and people every which way.
In these moments, I allow myself to feel the pain, the anger, the confusion and just get myself to a safe place. A safe place for me to just give in and allow it all to wash over me for awhile.
So, if I am in your presence and I all of a sudden shout out “release the Kraken” or I start flinging things you might want to run. Or hug me. The Kraken inside quiets with hugs – both physical and energy hugs sent from miles away.
Love and peace,